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Angel Wings
Thank you Leanna for these beautiful Angel Wings in honour of Robbie.
Angel Wings for Baby Hope
Thank you Leanna for the beautiful Angel wings.
Today I did pretty good with Day Care Children. We colored and played and had are snacks and lunch and quiet time. After a nap, we went in the swimming pool. They just looked it! I love to see Elaina’s face! She was so happy and excited to play in the pool. That made my day.
My mind was still racing thoughts of Robbie. His face and the labour and deli every. Things I had forgotten and remembered.I would tear up and cry. I look up in the sky and wanted to hold him so much.It’s just not right or fair.I want my son so bad. I feel I failed Jeff for some reason or another. He wanted a son and he died. God, that races through my mind so much.
I went for a walk to collect my thoughts. It was a nice walk down a quite dirt road by water and beautiful sunset. I needed to get out and the need to be by myself. Jeff didn’t want to go and he never does. He had computer things to do, like usual. It was a great opportunity to be by myself and think and stare off in another distant world. It made me think of Robbie and what could’ve of been. I know I shouldn’t dwell on it but I can’t help it. I truly wanted him my life. I crave his love and to cradle him in my arms and sing lullabies and say night prayer and kiss his beautiful face. God, I hurts so bad. I can’t believe he is gone .Gone to another place and another world were hurt and pain and old age never exists.I truly believe he is ok.No suffering .
Today was cold and wet and just depressing. It was my day off so I pretty much didn’t do anything but Read a book called,”Five People You Meet in Heaven”. Awesome book! A friend from are group; recommend it. I started last night and finished 2 pm this afternoon. I love it and brought a lot of meaning and thruth to are lives and “Up there”.
I pretty much laid around for a bit and fell asleep on the couch. Surprisingly woke up by cd flying across the room.lol Thanks Elaina!lol I got up and clean the mess up and got her ready for lunch.
I haven’t felt good today. I think I’m coming down with a cold or something. Elaina is sneezing and running nose . That probably explains the itchy eyes and soar back and muscles. I hate being sick. When I was pregnant , I hardly was sick. Healthy as an Ox. Man, I miss being pregnant again! I miss my Robbie most of all.
I was quite teary today off and on all day. Emailing a friend from the group and I got email back from a beautiful nurse friend who looked after me in the hosp before Robbie came into the world. She touches my heart. Her words just want to listen and cry. She is my Angel nurse. I love her too bits. We are setting up a time to meet for coffee. I haven’t seen her since I was in the hosp for the second time. She took good care of me . We had so much in common and I felt a connection there than I ever did my other friends. I know I will have her for a friend for life. She went to school with my sister at Dartmouth High. Small world. In the labour room she took warm blankets and wrapped me up and took care of Jeff and my family. I truly appreciate what she has done for me. I love her!I can’t express the gratitude she has given me. She is a wonderful,loving and caring nurse I ever met.
I’ve been making some progress with my web sites and trying to publish them so everyone can see what I’ve been doing. I still haven’t face my other “Life Trauma” in the IWK having Robbie yet. I don’t think I’m ready to relive the tragedy yet. I know in do time , I will. Just not yet.
I can’t believe it is 3 months and 15 days since Robbie passed away from us. I looked at his pictures from time to time and I cry and sobbed,wishing I could hold him longer. God, it is so hard to let the feelings go. I know I need to but it hurts me and my physical body. I know I do cry and I cry good. The other day we were eating are supper ,Jeff and I and Elaina and I went off to space and vision Tamara’s boyfriend Joe came in my room with his uniform on and sent me his condolences. God , I thought that was soo nice and it touched my heart. I cried.Jeff looked at me and Elaina said”You OK mommy”? Jeff said,”She is sad”. “Hug”, Elaina said. Jeff said your on the Internet again and I told I wasn’t. I can’t seem to grieve my son with a comment like that. I’m sad and I’m crying out of the blue because I’m truly sad.
Anyway, we went out to Jeff’s mother’s for supper and got home at 9. I’m tried but I’m up checking email and replying to them and doing my Avon . I feel it’s going to be a sleepless night again. Last night it was my back.
Nite !
Here is a site I put together for my Infant son. I have another that is till under construction and it will be up soon.
http://www.mybabymemorial.com/memorial/page/robbiehope/index.html
