Having a bad day , like all others, for the passed 2 weeks. I feel like crap. Crying and uncontrolable anger and nothing I can do to stop it. I feel distant from my husband lately. All I want to do is move myself away from him lately. I have been doing this with others.

I want to talk to other people, but the people that I have been talking to are online and one friend I talk on the phone.It’s sad that I feel and live alone in this sad world of loosing my son , Robbie. I feel like I can’t relate to anyone or they can’t relate to me or I’m just don’t want any contact with anyone. I feel life is not fair and unjustified and mean what happen to my son. I feel like I’m being punished for something in my life and that God took my son away from me.I don’t understand and I will probrably never will. I don’t even think I can have or try again. It’s too hard.I wanted and loved and couldn’t wait to have Robbie in my life. I planned everything for him. His clothes all washed in Ivory Snow and folded neatly in his room. Recieving blankets and clothes hung up neatly by Elaina’s. God, It’s not fair. Why? Why?

I feel like everyone is saying”You have three healthy kids why are you crying or you should be happy what you have”. All my children I love and wanted and Robbie was loved and he was counted for.I wanted a big family .