Today I decied to put or think about putting Robbie’s baby clothes from my mother-law away .I cried when I told Kelly today, while we were chatting and I fell apart. I cried when I had my daycare children around, luckily they didn’t see me cry. I’m having such a emotional day or days. I know this is normal process. I’m premenstral and lonely without Jeff and I miss Robbie.

Tomorrow I’m going to put the bag of clothes in my memory chest. I took them out tonight and Elaina said to me, while I was leaving her room,”What are doing with Robbie’s Clothes”? Well, I said I’m putting in my box with his stuff right in are box by the bed. She looked at me and said,”Ok”. Man, she is so smart.I went down stairs in my room and put it on my bed and cried and prayed to God to help me get through this. I know it soon be time to remove his thins and put Elaina’s clothes in her closet. Her clothes are piling up from Nanny buying her things.That’s not my excuse, I need and I think I’m ready to go to the next step.

Gail told me 2 weeks ago she finally gave Robbie’s clothes to a family friend. She told me it hurt her so much and it torn a piece from her heart but she told me in was the last thing she had to do on her list to go on.I was strong and never cried . I hold that in till I got home. Jeff doesn’t know this and I don’t think I should tell him anyways.

I see his beautiful face all the time and think he is 4 months and some many days. At this stage he is….you know. I try not to do that a lot but I do.I got some of my pregnancy pics and memory items and garden etc to add to my scarp book and books. I am also adding his retouched photos to it too when I’m ready. I haven’t looked at them in 4 weeks now and right now I’m no shape to look at them.

Today, in the mail , I recieved my necklace and braclet with the “Rememberance”symbol on it.She also made me a braclet with his name on it. I saw it and I cried , well,teared up walking down the road to feed the ducks. They are wonderful! Paula your a sweetie!

I just wanted to write and express my feelings that have been bottled up inside for sometime and need to free it. I feel a little better.